4 ways you can start practicing positive parenting today

Being a parent is not always easy. While we love the children that we raise and care for, making decisions on how to raise them can be a challenge. Everywhere we turn we see different advice and opinions on how to do things “right” for our children, which can be overwhelming. We know that as a parent or caregiver, you want to do what is best for your children! But how can you know what is “best” when it comes to managing their behavior? 

Positive parenting helps to create a positive atmosphere with clear expectations in order to decrease unwanted behaviors. When you’re faced with a challenging moment with your child, you can respond using "positive parenting” techniques. These techniques are just helpful tools for your “parenting toolbox”   

Positive parenting is a parenting style based on the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs. Positive parenting techniques are now recognized and endorsed by many reputable medical institutions. While we recognize that each child has their own unique temperament, needs, and personality and there is no “one size fits all” approach to discipline and child-rearing.

Here are 4 easy ways you can incorporate positive parenting to encourage your children to be their best selves.   

1. come up with consequences that teach  

Positive parenting does not mean that we ignore consequences for our children when they need discipline.  Consequences can help our children:  

• Learn how to follow rules 
• Learn right from wrong 
• Keep them safe  
• Giving an opportunity to choose the right positive behavior  

Here is an example of providing helpful consequences: 

Six-year-old Nathan and four-year-old Nicole are playing together with cars. Nicole starts hitting Nathan with her cars. You get down on Nicole’s eye level and let her know that toys are for playing and not for hitting people. You remind her that hitting is not safe or kind. You tell Nicole if she hits Nathan again, she will not be able to play with the cars for the rest of the day.  After playing for a few minutes, Nicole starts to hit Nathan again with the cars.  

You can tell Nicole she can try again tomorrow with the cars but since she is using them to hurt Nathan, she is not able to play with them for the rest of the day. Let Nicole be upset for a few minutes and then offer alternative activities for her to do.  

2. model positive behavior   

Positive parenting won’t be helpful with a “do what I say, but not as I do,” mindset. Modeling the positive behavior that you want to see in your children helps them to make positive choices.  

Here is an example of modeling positive behavior:

Let's say 8-year-old Isabella hasn’t been saying thank you lately but you’d like her to show more gratitude and be polite. You can start by doing the same thing yourself, especially when you catch Isabella doing something you can thank her for! 

3.  remember it is OK to have rules  

Positive parenting doesn’t mean that you have to say ‘yes’ to everything or let your child do as they please! Structure and rules are helpful for a child’s development.  

If you have a child who seems resistant to following rules or directions, providing them with options is a great idea! Give two or so choices within your rules to empower them to make decisions and help them learn.   

Here is an example of establishing rules by giving choices: 

If you tell 5-year-old Trey that it’s time to clean up the living room, you can ask; “Do you want to start cleaning up your books or your toys first?”  

This way you are still holding your boundary and avoiding getting wrapped up in a potential power struggle. You can even help them start and turn it into a game. “Let’s race the clock to see how fast we can get the living room cleaned up!” 

Bonus tip: 

Remember that it is also OK to have rules that are different from other parents. This might come into play when your child is upset that their friend has a later bedtime than them or is allowed to watch certain movies that you have said “no” to. You don’t have to explain everything behind your reasoning to your child, you can just simply teach them that sometimes families have different rules from one another and that is OK. 

4. set realistic expectations  

When you are trying to incorporate positive parenting, beware of falling into the two extremes of having no expectations for your children and having very high expectations of their behavior.  

Realistic expectations can help you to better connect with your child. These expectations should be based on your child’s age and developmental level.  

Here is an example of setting realistic expectations: 

You may have different expectations for 7-year-old Neveah to get up and get herself dressed in the morning than you would for 3-year-old Drew.  

For Neveah, you may expect her to be able to be up and dressed before breakfast and this should be verbally praised. Drew may need some help from a grown-up and should be encouraged and also verbally praised.  

If you have a child that has some developmental challenges regardless of their age, they might still need some help getting dressed in the morning so they will have a different expectation from your other children. Don’t forget to praise them too! 

discover more positive parenting resources

These are just a few of the many ways that you can use positive parenting techniques in your home. If you would like to explore more, read “High Five Discipline. Positive Parenting for Happy, Healthy, Well-Behaved Kids" by Candice W. Jones, MD, FAAP  

Learn more about understanding children's behavior and download the On Our Sleeves tip sheet for rewarding positive behavior by clicking here. 

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