Parenting Q & A- Private parenting matters, staying at home vs. career, sports obsession

Print this page Bookmark and Share

By Gregory Ramey, PhD, child psychologist at Dayton Children's and Dayton Daily News columnist

Edition: May 30, 2010 | Topic: Questions from readers

Question:
My teenage son read my Instant Messages on the computer between me and a special friend. I told my son that this was a private matter, but I also asked him not to say anything to his dad as I am still married. Iíll get divorced at some point, but not until my kids are older.

Now my son seems to be pushing the limits more often. After he was recently grounded, he said something about telling his dad about the Instant Messages. I feel like Iím being blackmailed by my own son. How do I deal with this?

Answer:
The problem is not your sonís threats, but your marital infidelity. Youíve created this dilemma by your deceitful behavior.

End the relationship with your ďspecial friend,Ē get a divorce, or seek marital therapy. To be married to one person while carrying on an internet affair with another is dishonest and a terrible example for your son about love, commitment, and marriage.

Question:
Before we got married I promised my husband that I would stay home with our children until they were of school age. While I love my two children very much, I find myself counting the days when I can return to work, which is still three long years away.
Would it be wrong to go back on my promise and resume my career?

Answer:
Itís possible to maintain a professional career and be a wonderful mom, but this requires a great deal of communication, cooperation and support from your husband.

Itís hard to maintain commitment to a promise when you really didnít have any idea how your life changes with children. Now that you know what itís really like raising children, itís reasonable to speak to your husband and discuss the importance of your career in your life. Raising children is the responsibility of both of you. I would think he would want you to be a fulfilled person in addition to a great mom.

Question:
My 7-year-old has an absolute passion for baseball. He plays it throughout the spring and summer and seems to know everything about the professional teams. He talks about it constantly with me and his dad. I worry that this interest may be turning into an obsession. Is it possible to be too passionate about a hobby?

Answer:
If he is doing well in other aspects of his life - school, friendships, relationships with his family - there is no reason to dampen his enthusiasm. However, continue to expose him to other activities, such as other sports, music and the arts. Show as much interest in those activities as you do in baseball.

PDF Version


Dr. Ramey Gregory Ramey, PhD, is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children's Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey and join Dr. Ramey on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/drgregramey

©2010 The Children's Medical Center of Dayton. Columns may be reproduced with the permission of Dayton Children's.


 

Visit our blog!

Visit the Dr. Mom Squad blog to join in the conversation with our experts! You will hear from four local women who have two big things in common; they are all doctors and they are all moms!

Kohl's Cares® Merchandise

Every season, Kohl's offers special items for sale with all profits donated to children's hospitals – including Dayton Children’s. You can view the entire collection of stuffed animals, books and much more at Kohl's Cares® Merchandise.

Free parenting enewsletter

Finding trusted child health and safety information doesn't have to be hard. eGrowing Together offers the latest health, safety and parenting information from our experts delivered to your inbox every month.

Sign up now!

Stay Connected

Find us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Visit Our Blog Youtube Caring Bridge

 

Upcoming Events

Crafts, games, diabetes vendors, a child-firendly research update, plus a visit from a Type 1 Santa!

Any family affected by autism is welcome to attend. RSVP now.

Wiley's Comedy Joint will have a comedy show featuring Rob Haney on December 14. Admission is free to anyone bringing a new toy for Dayton Children's.

Car Seat Safety Check

View full event calendarView full event calendar

Health and Safety

Your child's health and safety is our top priority

Accreditations

The Children's Medical Center of Dayton Dayton Children's
The Right Care for the Right Reasons

One Children's Plaza - Dayton, Ohio - 45404-1815
937-641-3000
www.childrensdayton.org